One step and another

Some days I feel thankful. Other days, I feel like sh*t. I called them “raining shits” as in raining cats and dogs.

What makes me feel better, always, is progress. The steps of getting things done. Even tiny things, it makes me feel so much better. It really does.

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Ten

I am feeling overly apprehensive lately; so much that I seem to live under dark clouds and the flood lights are all too bright.

If I write the things I am grateful about, well I begin to feel positive energy?

10 things I am grateful about:

  1. A husband and a child whom I love and are the best persons in this world.
  2. A comfortable house with a back yard where my child can roam around safely; with a fire pit where my husband and I and friends can enjoy; appliances in excellent condition.
  3. A beautiful kitchen.
  4. A jogging stroller that is safe for my child and comfortable to push.
  5. A set of skills that allow me to navigate this adult world with fair ease.
  6. A set of hobbies that allow me to enjoy myself with crafts, arts, and cooking.
  7. A guaranteed (somewhat) to stay in this country and an ability to make a living.
  8. A financial situation that is not perfect but not struggling to put food on table.
  9. A few friends within driving distance that I can open myself to.

 

But I still worry. I still feel anxious. I feel we don’t have enough money to save each month; I am afraid my child will not fit in, will get bullied; will fall behind socially; will hate school. I can only do so much to protect and prevent horrible things from happening.

I don’t feel confident that I have the knowledge (and skill) to help my child grow confidence and walk comfortably. And also that my perception of this lack in skill and confidence maybe incorrect. That I give myself too little credit.

When I was working, the self-doubt tends to be low. Now I stay home, and I need to rebuild my social circle. It is hard. My husband often reminded me not to take other moms’ reaction too personally because a large portion of the friendship depends on whether it benefits their child. That it is their children’s interests that they have at heart.

My friend YYC reminded me – I do not need to engage in the mom social circle. I do not need to make new friends just because I am a stay home. I should be whom I want to be and I should feel confident doing so.

 

via Daily Prompt: Ten